Constructive Conflict

In this life, there are plenty of opportunities for inter-personal conflict, whether that's with someone within the home (siblings? spouse?) or at work or school.  As adults, it's our great responsibility to model how to have conflict in a constructive manner.  Here are a few conflict resolution skills that kids need to see modeled for them:

  • First, if it is an argument and it's getting heated, it probably isn't something the kids should be watching or hearing.  A great strategy to show them is taking a break, a time away so that tempers can cool off before trying to get to the bottom of the problem.  When they learn to walk away from conflict so they can calm down, it helps them be more in control of their responses.
  • A conflict can help us understand someone else's perspective.  It's important to use "I" messages so that each person hears how the other one is feeling.  Teaching our kids how to really listen to someone else in order to see it from their point of view can help them build stronger relationships.
  • It's great for children to see that they won't always get their way, but there is a way to solve problems where both parties feel like their needs are met.  Can they see what a compromise looks like?  I give a little and you give a little; we both give up something in order to think about someone else's needs too.  
Next time there's a little conflict going on (on the car ride home?) look for opportunities to train your children to take a break (and a breath), listen to the other person, and be a creative problem solver.

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